Commitment (March 11, 2007) 1 Timothy 2:8-15 - Great Partnerships Part 3
1 Timothy 2:8-15
Commitment
What Makes a Great Partnership Part 3
How do you view your relationship in the family? How do you look at the roles of men and women in the family?
JOKE: - Someone once said that the husband may be the head, but the wife is the neck.
JOKE: - The husband may be the CEO, but the wife is the CFO.
In this passage today, we look at a set of instructions written to a leader of a church. While these instructions do describe the behavior of men and women in the church, it does suggest the proper prescription for the roles of husband and wives in the families. In other words, this text may speak about how we should act in the church. But the way we act in the church comes from the way we act toward each other at home. In other words, this text does not say: you can act this way only in the church. This text implies that because you should act a proper way in the church, you should also act this way at home.
This text is about roles. How do I function in society? If my society is made up of families, then how do I function in my family as a man, or as woman? We can learn some very important principles about how we should act. I want to share with you two tips for men and then two tips for women. Each tip addresses an action we should do, and the problem that causes us from acting as we should.
Now some may be looking at the amount of verses dedicated to each person, and wonder: Wow, men don't have much to worry much about what the Bible says about commitment. However, this is not the only place where commitment is mentioned. Paul gives us instruction in Ephesians as well. There, we see more equal treatment. Peter also addresses the role of men and women. He does not speak much about the role of men, but the consequences of not fulfilling their role can be extremely harmful.
I remember watching a show on television that illustrated the communication skills between women and men. It found that women actually talked three times more than men. They even showed a word counter below the man and the woman as they talked during the entire show. Sure enough, the the woman had spoken about three times more words as the man. It is the same here in these verses. Paul writes for the men one verse. Then he uses more verses to communicate to the women. So, remember here that each person has a role, and each role is very important.
Professor E. Earle Ellis has said: The definitive argument of this sort on the complementarian side (distinguishing between role and worth) is that of Charles Hodge. Jesus Christ is not one iota inferior to God the Father. He is God. And yet, there is a difference in role, one of subordination. Subordination is necessary in the world as a whole, for the world to “work.” Therefore, there is no dishonor at all in women being subject to male headship. Only in the modern period are class distinctions viewed as evil per se. (http://greenbaggins.wordpress.com/2006/11/21/women-in-the-church-1-timothy-28-15-part-3/)
What does this mean? Men should not look to their wives and say: "Your role is not important." Nor should they say that their own role is not important. We each have to take our spiritual responsibilities as Christians seriously.
MEN (1 Timothy 2:8)
ACTION: The priority of prayer
The "therefore" in 2:8 has its beginning in 2:1. In the beginning of the chapter, Paul stresses the importance of prayer. Now, he stresses the importance of who should do the praying. Men should lead by placing a priority in praying. But there is a problem.
PROBLEM: Critical casualness
We become too casual in our prayer life. Men become too easily angered, and too easily tied up in discussions and controversy. We should not be skeptics when it comes to prayer. Men should want to pray for others. Men should desire to make prayer an important part of their life. Holiness here, the "holy hands" passage, is not about setting ourselves apart. This word for holy (called hosios in Greek) is about the righteousness in my life. How right am I living? is the question this passage answers. Paul is saying: live a life of righteous and holiness by the way you pray and the way you act. You learn not to be easily angered, or critical. You learn not to doubt God as well. These are the two things that hinder a man to pray. If I get irritated at others, or if I doubt God, I will not want to lift up my hands in prayer. Instead, men are expected to make prayer a priority, and let this lifestyle be an example to the family.
When a man takes the spiritual responsibility of prayer seriously, then next action will take care of itself.
ACTION: Spiritual leadership of the family
Men need to be the spiritual leaders in the home. They need to lead by setting a good spiritual example. They don't act like spiritual dictators. Instead, they act like leading-servants.
PROBLEM: Control
The problem is that men tend to think that if they are the "head" of the family, that they need to control the family. Leadership and control are too very different things. Leadership is simply influence. When you influence someone to do something or act a certain way - that is leadership. So Spiritual leadership is influence that helps a person do what God wants them to do. Control happens when you have lost the ability to lead. When you have lost the ability to influence your family to do what God wants them to do, then you will begin to start to control their actions. This is where the "wrath" problem comes in. The way you act in your family is with wrath. The word here means punishment, vengeance. You push people to do what you think is necessary. When men lead their families, they shouldn't have to push - they should be able to influence.
WOMEN (1 Timothy 2:9-15)
ACTION: Announcing godliness by submitting to your husband
You announce to the world the faith that you have by the way you dress, and the way you act toward your husband. If you dress like a prostitute, what does that say about how you submit to your husband. Dressing immodestly suggest to others that you don't submit to your husband. Instead, you are willing to submit to someone else. But if the way you dress is not suggestive to another man, if it is modest, then you are announcing to others that you want to follow the spiritual leadership of your husband.
Now I don't mean that you have to go out by clothes that make you look old-fashioned. You can still look stylish. But the way you dress communicates much about your marriage. In essence your fashion is a form of evangelism.
PROBLEM: Competition
The problem is that we live in a society that is filled with competition. Women compete with women. But today, society allows women to compete with men. Look at the world of sports, look at the world of business, and look at the world of benefits. You will hear that women can do the same things as men. While that may be true, it leads some people to think that in the home, a woman must compete with their husband. You hear it when you hear women say: I don't need a husband. I can raise the children by myself. I don't need a man. Women are not wrong in saying that they can make decisions. But the Bible teaches, that when it comes to marriage, the leadership decisions end with the men. What the women are doing is a form of competition.
Women, how do you see your relationship with your husband? Is your relationship with your husband rocky - as in Rocky Balboa? Do you seem to think that when you talk to your husband, it is like going out into the ring and slinging a few punches? Do you view your relationship with your husband like a boxing match? Are your conversations like a round in the fight. Ding, ding...the round begins...and you try to do what you can to win the round? You argue, you think you are always right. You always demand your way. Is your relationship like the Bee Gees song "You Win Again"?
Theres no fight you cant fight
This battle of love with me
You win again
So little time
We do nothing but compete
The word for quiet in this verse is the same word used earlier in the chapter in (2:2). Silent in verse 2 is the same as the word quiet in verses 11-12. The women can still speak in church. They just need to act quietly. The reason Paul gives for why women should remain quiet in church is that the men are to lead. It was this way in the beginning (that is the import of verse 13). The Fall was the result of Eve trying to subvert her husband’s covenant headship - or leadership - by making the decision apart from him. Eve was mastered by the animal (the snake) whom she should have mastered. Eve mastered the one being on the planet (the man) she should not have mastered. She subverted and was subverted. Therefore, the punishment was that there would always be a battle for leadership between the man and the woman in marriage (Gen. 3:16).
(http://greenbaggins.wordpress.com/2006/11/20/women-in-the-church-1-timothy-28-15-part-2/)
To illustrate this point, I would say that the way a woman submits, which fights the competition in relationship is alot like dancing. When two people dance, one leads and the other follows. Women, you have to let the man lead. Let me show you what I mean.
EXAMPLE: Dancing with My Wife
Learning to lead in the family is like learning to dance. Let me illustrate to you how to dance. I will ask my wife to come forward and we will dance to a certain song. The first time, we will dance and I will lead. You remember how to dance, men? You lead and she follows. She instinctively knows what to do. She follows my steps and she follows my cues. I twirl her around and then bring her back.
Now, we will dance and she will try to lead at the same time. What happens? She pushes and I have to fight back to lead. This is what happens when we don't know how to dance in our marriage. In order to learn how to spiritually lead your family, you have to learn how to dance. In order to stop the competition and the fights ladies, you have to learn how to follow your husband's lead. He may not be the best dancer, but he can lead you. You have to learn how to follow him.
ACTION: Spiritual leadership of the children
The emphasis in these last verses is the importance of raising the children. The woman has the spiritual responsibility of raising children.
PROBLEM: Carelessness
In today's society, it seems that in most families, the spiritual leadership of the children has been out-sourced. What do I mean? Because the woman is trying to compete with the man, she has to work. When she works full-time in this country, it means she has to let someone else take care of the spiritual leadership of the children. In the business world, when you do this, they call that sub-contracting. You contract out to someone else. Another word used is out-sourcing. You get your resources for the work in your company from outside the country. This is why when you call customer service on the phone, the guy on the other end is not from the office of customer service. He is sitting in another country. Spiritually speaking, women are doing the same thing. In their desire to compete with the man, they neglect the responsibility of the spiritual leadership of the children. Either they don't have as much time as they should. Or they expect someone else to do it for them.
Example #1 - the children's ministry of this church should not the be spiritual leadership of your children. If you think that the only spiritual leadership that your children should get is when they come here, then you are out-sourcing your work. Wives, mothers, you need to take this responsibility seriously. I am amazed at how often mothers complain about the children's ministry, but I have never seen them there to help out. If your child is downstairs today, then mothers, you have a responsibility to help out.
Example #2 - the husband teaches the wife, and the wife teaches the children. There is a chain of commitment to spiritual leadership in the family. But when we get careless, this chain breaks. This is another reason why Paul quotes the Genesis account. Adam leads and works. Eve submits to Adam and bears children. Adam stopped leading and work got harder. Eve stopped submitting, and her bearing children became harder to do.
The effects can be seen in all parts of our lives. 1 Timothy 3 flows from 1 Timothy 2. The Elder-Deacon relationship mirrors the husband-wife relationship in the church. Elders lead, and deacons submit to the elder. Husbands lead and women submit to the husband. Elders lead the church and teach the leaders. Deacons serve the families of the church. Husbands lead and teach the wife. The wife serves the family by teaching the children.
By the way, the transition from husbands and wives to elders and deacons shows us another important principle. The fact that the women are told to be quiet in church is one reason why there can be no women elders or pastors in the church. The transition from husband and wife to elder and deacon shows us also that the qualifications for leadership and service in the church are directed at the men. The offices of elders and deacons are only for those who are the spiritual leaders in the home. That is why there are qualifications that stress the importance of male spiritual leadership in the home. If a man proves himself well to lead his home, he has the honor (and responsibility) to the lead in the church. We don't forbid women ministry team leaders in this church because the spiritual leadership (head) of the church is the elder, and that elder is the pastor - who is male.
But we do say in this church that we have to take spiritual leadership seriously. It is a commitment for both men and women. For singles who are not married, you learn this now, so that you are ready to fulfill your spiritual role when the time comes to marry. For married couples without children, you practice this before the children come. For married couples with children, you are setting the example for the rest of us. For men and women whose children are grown, you can serve as advisors. You did it, and now you can help. Men, you can come to pray on Friday mornings at 6am. Women, you can help out with the children, or the prayer meeting. There are different places of commitment in the church where we can strengthen the family.
When we take our commitment to Jesus in the Body (the church) seriously, it produces harmony and peace. When we fill our roles properly in the home, it brings peace and joy as well.
Resources
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByScripture/21/684_Manhood_Womanhood_and_the_Freedom_to_Minister/ http://greenbaggins.wordpress.com/2006/11/20/women-in-the-church-1-timothy-28-15-part-2/ http://greenbaggins.wordpress.com/2006/11/21/women-in-the-church-1-timothy-28-15-part-3/
